Help me find a way, to bring me back to You

Begging for a broken heart

Begging and pleading actually... I'm at one of those times in my life where I feel so distant from God, and I gotta say not the biggest fan. I am uncapable of being satisfied without the presence of God in my life, I'm along the lines of miserable without Him... and I'm pretty sure it shows to everyone around me.. It's my fault I know, I've been neglecting the relationship for the last couple weeks, life has gotten in the way...not a good excuse at all..

So now I'm on my knees begging for a broken heart, to bring on the rain, because I need to feel Your presence God, and while storms aren't very fun, I need You to come and invade my life, if it takes something hard to do it then I'm willing to go through it, should You choose to do the opposite and just bless me I will be more then grateful, but I need to feel your presence God, I need to see Your glory....

I've made the last couple weeks about me..was so selfish in everything I did... Right now I'm willing to do anything to hear you say my name God, to hear you say that who I am is quite enough...

"A broken heart and a contrite spirit, you have yet to deny, your heart of mercy beats with love's strong current"

Time to get back to my part of the relationship..I'm not very good at this relationship thing (clearly we've all seen that in my life) It's a lot of work. amazing how easy it is for God to want to spend so much time with me and love me and it's the biggest struggle for me...it's a part of being human I guess..

I'm really sorry about that God, you know my heart desires you but my actions don't always show it, help me work on that, and be the child you long for me to be...

Sometimes it's hard to just keep going

But faith is moving without knowing

Can I trust what I can't see to reach my destiny?

I want to take control but I know better

God I want to dream again, take me where I've never been

I wanna go there, this time I'm not scared

Now I am unbreakable, it's unmistakable

No one can touch me, nothing can stop me

Dear 22, lets make this a good one. k?

So , what a fun and eventful birthday weekend I have had, it started off very lovely celebrating Scotty and Meagan's wedding and dancing the night away on friday night! She was radiant and it was by far one of the best and most fun weddings I've ever been to, and I'm pretty sure I had baby got back dedicated to me which made the night just that much better.

I am so blessed to have them as friends and I love them so much! Congrats guys! :)

And as we all know Saturday was my 22nd birthday..whoohoo! It was suppose to be a very uneventful birthday seeing as how I had a wedding to shoot, but by the time I got to my photo assistant's house to get ready to head to Franklin to photograph the bride before heading to the church everything was flooded so we decided to just to head to Murfreesboro to the venue, but 2 hours later and 30 minutes after the wedding had started we were still sitting in traffic and not moving.( They got married without their photographers and now I don't have that few hundred dollars I was depending on :( ) We finally were able to get off the interstate and get something to eat, which my wonderful assistant paid for at Red Robin then had them sing Happy Birthday to me ( i've avoided that happening my whole life) Then we spent the night watching Batman Begins and The Dark Knight since I'm lame and had never seen them before (I'm a huge fan now)

So since there is no way out I had to sleep at his house, which he kindly gave up his bed for me and had cinnamon rolls ready for when I woke up (what a good friend he is) So we've sat around all day watching Avatar and doing a whole bunch of nothing, and now it's Papa Murphy's time and Transformers 2 time since it looks like I'm stuck here tonight too, I really would like to be back in Clarksville so I could at least change clothes but whatever, it's not the worst birthday weekend of my life.. However I am sad that we had to cancel my big bday dinner at PF Changs tonight, but we'll make it happen soon (stupid floods)

What crap weather for a birthday lol but it's ok hopefully this will be a completely amazing year and make up for this weekend....

Dear 22, lets make this a phenomenal year...sound good ??

Grateful for a steadfast love from my Father

Just wanted to share a few verses that have put a smile on my face tonight :)

Psalm 31:7-8 "I will rejoice and be glad in your steadfast love, because you have seen my affliction; you have known the distress of my soul, and you have not delivered me into the hand of the enemy; you have set my feet in a broad place."

Psalm 31:19 "Oh, how abundant is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you..."

Psalm 31:23-24 "...The Lord preserves the faithful but abundantly repays the one who acts in pride. Be strong and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the Lord!"

Psalm 33:22 " Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us, even as we hope in you."

God's steadfast love is what carries me through the day... I am so thankful that He shows so much of it towards me and to all his children... His love for me is never changing... He is loyal in his love towards me, even when I struggle in my relationship with Him... He is more then good to me especially in my least times of deserving, He never changes..He never fails.. and He never will

I'm humbled. My hope is in you Daddy...

Awestruck by life

Ok..so the blessings seriously just keep coming.. I have done absolutely nothing to deserve everything and everyone God puts in my path.. If you had told me when I was 17 standing in the audience at a Building 429 concert in Knoxville that I would have the opportunity to photograph Jason Roy and soon be shooting in his studio I would of been like say what?? I didn't even know I wanted to be a photographer at 17.. If you had told me when I was 19 while being led in worship by the Daniel Doss Band at Crossroads on a monday night in Knoxville, Tn that in 3 years I'd be in Clarksville photographing the Daniel Doss Band and handing Daniel my business card, my mouth would probably of dropped.( i knew i wanted to be a photographer by that time). But when I figured out what I wanted to do in life those are the exact things I wanted, but I never really expected them to happen..they were just dreams..

But I'm standing here today able to say i've done those things and hopefully I'll get to do many more things like that. I am so blessed by the people that are in my life that bring me opportunities like that.. big shout out and i mean huge shout out to Brandon and Kara Reed.. They do so much for me in the ways of introducing me to people and giving me opportunities to photograph events, and just help me in so many more ways then they realize in achieving my dreams.. I seriously thank God for them everyday.. He has used them to bless me incredibly. I am affirmed everyday that I did the right thing when I decided to move to Clarksville.. I have made the most incredible friends anyone could ever ask for, I attend one of the most amazing Christ centered churches i've ever had the pleasure of stepping into, I have leaders that invest in me and the talent God has blessed me with, and I have been giving the most amazing opportunities I could of ever dreamed of.. I hope those opportunities keep coming, but even if they don't, God has an amazing plan for my life and whatever He puts in my path is exactly what I want, because He has the ultimate plan and He knows best...

My dreams are in Your hands Father...You know all things, and You know what's best for me... You know my hearts desires and my dreams and aspirations, I will go in the direction in which You lead me.. You have never given me reason to doubt you, I trust Your ultimate plan for my life is more amazing then I could ever imagine.. Thank you that right now the dream You have set in my heart You are fulfilling..

My portion is You God..and I'm more then blessed

Humbled beyond belief

I just spent a few minutes in utter speechlessness and tears and completely humbled by what Jesus did for me today... To be so loved that on that cross Jesus thought this is for Heather, I'm doing this for her...and of course everyone else in the world. But it's so special to me bc I know how undeserving I am. There are no words.. I can only stand amazed and fall on my face humbled..

So thank you God, for seeing me and turning your back on your son for my sake. I forever will spend my life giving all I have to You, and I know I can never repay what He did, I can't even begin to try. I am amazed how you designed it to where we can't give back, there's nothing we can do to earn Your love, You just love us. Lord, show me how to love You more. Thank you doesn't even begin to express how truely thankful I am..but I hope the way I live my life for you does.

I am humbled. broken. and beckoned by the cross to live a life of worship and with a constant pursuit towards the cross, and I will live this out for my King.

The precious blood of Jesus Christ redeems,
forgiven I’m alive, restored set free.
Your majesty resides inside of me,
forever I believe. forever I believe.
arrested by your truth and righteousness
your grace has overwhelmed my brokenness
convicted by your spirit, led by your word
your love will never fail
your love will never fail
‘Cause I know you gave, the world your only son for us to
know your name, to live within the saviours love and he took my place,
knowing he’d be crucified and you loved.. you loved, a people undeserving!

-To Know Your Name- Hillsong

i am ridiculously blessed..seriously..it's awesome

So literally, and I mean LITERALLY I am the most blessed person ever... right now i'm pretty much living my life in uncertainty and it's taking a lot of faith and it's so awesome.

I worked 2 jobs for 3 1/2 years, 6 days a week went to school full time, paid cash for my car by myself, paid for my cell phone, car insurance, and even covered groceries for myself for breakfast and lunch while living at home. I was doing pretty well for myself financially as a young college student (plus it helped i didn't have to pay rent)

Well I left all that certainty behind to move to a new city where i didn't know ANYONE, wasn't gonna have a job and just try to make it while going to school, and 8 months later I can absolutely say that was the best decision of my life. I have become incredibly humbled in learning that money isn't everything and learning how to make it on very little. I love shopping and I love being able to not worry about money and just living comfortably. But over the last few months i've learned..what's the fun in that?? and where's the faith in that??

As most of my friends know this summer is my "homeless summer" and they seem to be quite amused about how excited I am about it. I can't afford a place to live on my own so I'm pretty much crashing on couches for the summer, earlier in the year I was freaking out about this and worried and then I just let it go, and as time has gone on I have gotten so excited about the uncertainty of this summer and that it's going to take ALOT of faith in trusting I'll have a couch to crash on every week (which now thanks to some friends, that is all set).

But to get to the I am ridiculously blessed part, I applied for a job where the deadline for the application, resume, recommendations, jump through hoops to get things signed was 4 days before I got the email about the job, but I went for it anyways, got everything emailed and faxed in within a day, and immediately got an email back that they were impressed with my resume, and I'd be hearing back from them shortly, so today I get an email offering me the job! A job where they were only hiring 2 people and it's art based, I'll be a visual arts counselor at the governors school for the arts! Oh and it gets so much better.. the job provides room and board for the entire month of June plus pays $1000.. now really.. Jesus comes through for me.. If you don't understand why I'm so excited about the uncertainty of my life it's because I'm learning not to worry.. God keeps coming through for me, the more I hand over the more He continues to bless me. I don't have any money and I will be crashing on couches for all of may and july but hey it's an incredible faith lesson, If i have to go without, I will go without but may God be glorified through it all..

this is one of my fav Bible verses, we all know the verse it leads up to..but i'm gonna do it as a mash up of a few different translations because i like it that way

'Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation. I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.'

here it comes..wait for it.... ' I can do all things through Him who strengthens me'

Phillipians 4:11-13 via translation of Heather's mash-up between ESV and NIV

That verse applies to my life in so many ways..

So 3 cheers for the homeless incredible faith summer..may God be glorified and rock my world in ways I can't even imagine..

I'm so excited :D

Jesus and Sunshine

Today was absolutely beautiful, I soaked up the lovely weather with a shopping trip in nashville and a caramel frappachino, my definition of a perfect day. Something about driving with the windows down with the sun shining in, and the breeze blowing in is the perfect worship setting to me.. i've been struggling a lot lately with life in general, so today i decided it was time for a break, and usually my "breaks" involve driving, Jesus, starbucks, and shopping... I've been feeling really weak lately, life just gets overwhelming and ridiculously hard sometimes.. so today was catch up with Jesus and worship day..i can get in a nice long chat with Jesus on the way to nashville and then worship like crazy on the way back.. while on my worship ride back with the window down, new sunglasses on, my hair getting all tangled from the wind, looking up at the sunshine God was like here ya go and handed me a big dose of strength, I needed that, its' been awhile since i've felt it. I love how just when i think i don't know how i'm gonna make it any longer, Daddy comes to the rescue, never early, never late, but right on time... It's a slow process actually turning things over and saying God I know that in your time things will work out, because my flesh says now now now.. why is it so hard to overcome my struggles.??.Jesus overcame the world.. That alone gives me the strength to want to work harder to overcome the things that tear at my mind and my heart..

I am a human, a sinner, I am weak. BUT I am the daughter of the strongest God,in Him i find the strength to overcome. Without Him I would fall apart, I still do sometimes but at least He's there to pick up the pieces..He never leaves me alone.. I am so unworthy..yet so grateful to be so loved by the God that holds the universe in place.