time for a change?? I think so.. tomorrow? nah i'll start today

It's time for a change again... I think change is the one thing I love most about my life, it never allows me to get too comfortable where I'm at.. which is a good thing for me... This summer has been pretty crazy for me.. moving 8 times..being homeless..couch crashing..eating pb&j and drinking water everyday because it was all i could afford.. doing my best to trust God with everyday... but somewhere along there I slipped back and wasn't giving God my all..it's well noticed as my mom has been pointing out my attitude all week, it's been horrible and I know that when my mood changes like this that something in my life is wrong and it usually leads back to my relationship with Christ... which I'm wondering what I did with that for most of the summer, it was still there, just not an everyday thing, and that's not how the relationship works, and I've been frustrated with myself most days for not giving God more... for compromising... for not standing up for what I truly believe in....

Tomorrow is another new beginning for me.. I finally move into my own apartment, lots of new beginnings tomorrow, I thought about starting a fresh renewal with God tomorrow..then I decided nah... I'm starting now..I'm not promised tomorrow.. "This is the day the Lord has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it"- Psalm 118:24... it's today..not tomorrow.. it's now

I haven't been sharing Jesus the way I should, sometimes I wonder if people who barely know me know that I'm a Christian... Can you see it in me??? I feel super lame right now.. I was thinking about how selfish I am today, and realized how small I am compared to the things God holds in his hands..yet I am a big deal to him. Something I heard at church this past sunday at Fellowship was Rick telling a story about a little boy who was excited about his part in a play and he said I'm one of the main characters.. and Rick said isn't that what we want to be? To be able to say I'm one of the main characters in God's plan.... I am a main Character in Christ's plan... just let that resonate for awhile... I'm such a big deal to the maker of the universe...no matter how crappy I feel that brings a smile so ridiculously big to my face.. I am so ridiculously in love with Jesus and I tear up just trying to fathom a love so deep that he contains for me..

I struggle with certain things, but I feel like God is holding some things back in my life because He has something sooo much greater then I can even imagine for me... at a time when literally almost EVERYONE I know is either talking about getting engaged, engaged, getting married, honeymooning, or having kids.. I struggle sometimes with being alone, and then God is like, Heather you have no earthly idea what is in store for you... and I'm only imagining it has to be more awesome than what he has for everyone else because he's making me wait longer.. I've been pretty content lately... I'm praying that contentedness continues, bc when the struggle comes it really comes hard.. I'm extremely thankful for Christian guys in my life though that hold a standard of what a good man is like, I'm honored by my brothers in Christ to want to be a better daughter of the King...

So life is hard. I'm a Christian. I'm not half-way in and half-way out... I'm all the way in.. I'm sold.. Here I go....abandoning myself for the cross, because it holds every key i'll ever need.. I'm pressing on